yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
