And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize