I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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