Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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