before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
