hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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