I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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