between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
