No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
