shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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