Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
