i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
