I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
