she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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