sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
