Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
