He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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