Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
