theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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