I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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