$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
