note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
