I seem to have left my pride at pride
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
