ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
