I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
