Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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