so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
