we have pet lesbian snakes
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
