I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
