Your face is a jimmy john
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
