I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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