Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
