we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I have fence marks all over my body
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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