my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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