The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
