dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
being pregnant is like rehab
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
