the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
