Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
