By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
