Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
try to milk me bitch
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize