Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
