yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
