I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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