Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
