the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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