Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
