Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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