Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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