Porn is love you can see.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
