Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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