Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize