I wanna bring you to show and tell
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
