He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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