i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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