I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
