so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
