I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
