I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
