dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
