Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
