Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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