My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We are two peas in an std pod
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
