Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i will never coherently bang her
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
