I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
