I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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