Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
