I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
