If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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