I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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