I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
