can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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