____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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