I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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