remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Holy sore nipples Batman
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
