well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
