Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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