It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
