When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
