just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
