We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize