My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
