you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
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