I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
