Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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