I bet he comes in French.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
