I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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