I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
