Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
