1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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