her vagine was all disorganized.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
