i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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