I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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