you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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