Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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