Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
